Neither my heart nor my wallet is ready for this
They constantly ask,
“Why don’t you go on dates?
Why don’t you let people get to know you?
Why don’t you take a chance?”
It is much easier
said than done.
It’s not that
I don’t let them in,
I just really can’t.
I just emotionally and mentally can’t allow
people to come close to me,
and if they do,
I will push them away
before it gets too far,
before our conversations get too deep.
I’ve lied awake at night
wondering why it is so difficult for me
just go on one date
and just let myself feel
but I haven’t come up with any answers
that make sense.
Maybe I’m tired of the “getting to know each other process.”
I’ve done it enough times;
it’s starting to make me exhausted.
Or maybe I’ve just seen so many heartaches
happening around me
and I know the best way to prevent that,
is to stay away from it all.
They always tell me that
if I don’t give other people a chance,
at least give myself a chance;
to meet others and receive what I deserve
but I like it better when I am in charge of my own actions,
my own thoughts,
and my own feelings.
Every time I try to give myself and the other person a chance,
I can already see it falling apart
before it’s even begins.
And my visions happen to come true.
So that is why I keep chances to myself,
that is why I am this way.
Other Pairing: Kris / Lu Han
Genre: Romance, Humor
Summary: Luhan only has twelve days left to live.
Pairing(s): Sehun / Lu Han, Kris / Lu Han, Baekhyun / Chanyeol, etc.
Length: 16,000~ words
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.
( Lu Han only has twelve days left to live. )
Be a selfish bitch.
Don’t feel bad for going after what you want.
Do that shit on your own fucking terms.
Hold a middle finger up to anyone who puts you down.
Wear what you want.
Do what you want.
Worry about yourself being good before anyone else.
Life life to the fucking fullest.
You run you.
You paint your own damn masterpiece.
Never fucking forget that.
Go on, girl. You better do it.